


An unpleasant yet long-overdue catharsis

by Arrghus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 13:09:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13124388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arrghus/pseuds/Arrghus
Summary: Dirk has a talk he probably should've had a long time ago.





	An unpleasant yet long-overdue catharsis

Heart pounding and stepping as methodically as he could, Dirk Strider paced around the bed, closing each drape, taking off his socks and sandals (he and Jake had a bet going to see if they could make it work fashionwise), dusting lint off his feet. Finally, he supposed it couldn't be put off any longer. In complete darkness marred only by thin rays of light from the sides of the window and underneath the door, Dirk Strider lay down on the bed, and pulled out his phone.

...

...

And then he finally opened Pesterchum.

TT: Hey Roxy.  
TG: yo whast up distri

The reply was almost instantaneous. His heart almost skipped a beat.

TG: *whats  
TT: Can we talk?  
TG: you know im always here for you distri  
TG: jus open your hear to me and let it all out  
TG: *heart  
TG: hey wanna see this rad selfie i just took  
TT: Roxy are you drunk.

Dirk's heart caught in his throat. He'd said it before he'd had time to think about it. Too much time dwelling in the past.

TG: what  
TG: no  
TG: why woudl youu asy that

He could see Roxy's face. Not literally, she hadn't actually sent the selfie, and the way he was putting his foot in his mouth, he suspected he never would now. But in his mind's eye, he could see her, and how much that stray comment must have hurt her. He really wasn't ready for this conversation. And yet.

TG: *stuff  
TG: *you know what i mean  
TG: im just hangin out with my gal pals and i wanted to show you how adorbs we look together  
TT: Sorry.  
TG: im three years stome cold sober and you know it  
TT: Sorry.  
TG: somethins eatin you isnt it  
TT: What?  
TG: i can smell it  
TG: somethins eatin you fierce  
TG: spill it

Oh boy.

TT: So I've been talking to Dave.  
TG: my perfect adorable son  
TG: best kid forever <3  
TT: And I'm starting to put some things together.  
TT: About me. About my, uh, psychosocial development I guess.  
TG: psychosocial develolpment lol youve been watchin terrible movies again i hear

He had. The Book of Henry was tolerable only by virtue of Jake, wonderful perfect Jake, being next to him while he watched it.

TT: Roxy can you shut up.  
TT: This is hard.  
TG: oh  
TG: sorry dude  
TG: ill try to keep quiet  
TT: But yeah.  
TT: I've been talking. And thinking.  
TT: About me. And about you.  
TT: And I'm finally starting to put together how much you hurt me.  
TG: what  
TG: sorrry sorry srory sroryr  
TG: sorry rossryr osryrsrosrysrosyuroysrsorysor  
TG: i dont know what i did but IM SO FUCKING SORRY DIRK!!!  
TT: Roxy.  
TG: quiet right  
TG: sorry  
TT: It's not  
TT: It's not something recent.  
TT: You've been a perfect friend, the best pal a guy could ask for.  
TG: but  
TG: ?

lkhesflaerhfaeilufhalfahflernfdvneroiuhcjnarflkaehfaelifhjalfihjfiernvlierfnerivnevinaerviuoahnfoierfn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

f

f

fuck

he couldnt do it

he couldnt do it

hed been so careful, set up the drapes, kept himself as safe and warm and snuggly as he could in the bed

He couldn't do it.

The door burst open, and Jake was there. He must've heard something.

JAKE: Honey whats wrong. I heard screaming.

Dirk moved his mouth, but nothing came out.

Jake wasted no time, almost jumping into the bed next to him. The warmth of Jake's body chased away the jitter shakes and icy snaking cold in Dirk's limbs. Dirk's torso remained completely cold though.

.

DIRK: I can't do it.  
DIRK: I can't hurt her like that.  
DIRK: She's a fucking angel!  
DIRK: A beautiful perfect fucking Seraph, the perfect embodiment of God's love, so bright you can't even look straight at her.  
DIRK: I don't want to do anything that'd make her sad, or doubt herself, or anything like that.

Silence.

Jake's hand on his cheek.

JAKE: Shes a harridan dirk. She hurt my beautiful boyfriend and even though shes roxy shes a harridan.  
JAKE: I should never have let you talk me out of being with you for this. Pick up the phone well do this as a couple.

 

DIRK: Ok.

 

TG: but what  
TG: dirk what  
TG: are you talkin about the cake thing  
TG: because i had no idea itd turn out like that  
TG: i know i should be quiet and let you think but i cant stop worrying about you know distri  
TG: distri  
TG: distri i need to know

Beside him, Jake's phone was pinging furiously. His boyfriend picked it up, looked at it, and put it down.

JAKE: Jane and calliope are going mad. It doesnt matter. Im here for you.

 

TT: I'm talking about three years ago.  
TG: oh  
TG: yeah duh  
TG: nice goin roxy thinkin it could be anythin but that  
TG: sorry ill shut up  
TT: And before that. Before the game.  
TT: I'm sorry, ok.  
TT: You know I never want to hurt you.  
TT: But I need to say this. Even though you probably know already.  
TT: It hurt me, Roxy.  
TT: All of those advances. They hurt so much to have to put down, one after another.  
TT: Especially with Hal needling me about it too. But I've already had the talk with Hal. Well, Arquius, now.  
TT: He agreed that we needed to talk about this.  
TT: And that kiss.  
TT: I know you loved it. Jake told me. You were hopped up on drugs, I can't really blame you.  
TT: But, god. Do you know how awful that was for me? How gross it felt?  
TG: disti im so sorry for all of that it was awful and fucked up of me and im so so sorry  
TG: ive spent so many nights thinkin about how awful that was god the trickster shit was just os fuckin bad and im so sorry for all of it  
TT: But yeah. I'm just, I'm just stuck here, thinking about how long I spent denying my homosexuality. Hell, I even literally denied it, with some assclown shit about "nuanced matters" or whatever the fuck. I used to think that was just, like, cultural openness, embracing the Alternian society's more complex views on the subject, but now I'm not sure.  
TG: i know  
TG: i figured that out a while ago  
TG: distri im sorry  
TG: is there anything else you need to get off your chest while youre at it  
TT: It. No. Maybe? I'm spent.  
TT: I hope I didn't hurt you too bad with all of that.  
TG: baby it hurts so bad  
TG: even knowin all this from before it still hurts so bad  
TG: but ive got two perfect gals here with me  
TG: theyll make me feel better  
TG: wonk  
TT: Can we talk about this again some other time?  
TG: of course distri im always here for you  
TG: Always.  
TG: there i typed it with all proper capitalization and a period and everythin  
TG: just so you know im serious  
TG: A  
TG: L  
TG: W  
TG: A  
TG: Y  
TG: S  
TG: period.  
TG: always  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: But yeah, good night. I need to sleep now. Or, something. God damn is it still day out? That felt like it took like five hours.  
TG: bye dirk  
TG: take care  
TT: Yeah ok. Bye.

**Author's Note:**

> coinageFission thank you for beta-reading.


End file.
